How to Write a Eulogy
The departed return through our stories.
The word eulogy means “good word” in latin. It is a chance to say a good word about the deceased and help those who have gathered to remember a life well lived.
Your role is to conjure a moment, a story, or a feeling that we can hold onto during our grief. It is a chance to sustain the memory of the departed. The dead are alive again through our stories. It is a chance to bring them into the room for another moment with us.
The best stories help us remember what they cared about, what they loved, and what set them apart. The story you choose might show them at the peak of their powers, or help us remember one of their most deeply felt joys. It could be a quiet moment, a funny moment, or an example of their generosity to others. It could be a story of how they changed someone else’s life or a touching moment when they showed kindness or strength. It could be a telling triumph or a moment when they handled difficulty with grace. It might be happy and sad at the same time. It could be nearly any story, as long as it’s true, vivid, and helps us keep them alive in our hearts.
How to Begin
If you’re not sure where to start, ask yourself:
- What did this person love?
- How did they make people feel?
- What moments defined them?
- What choices did they make in life when it really mattered?
- How did they help others?
- How did they show their love?
- How did they act when they were at their best?
A Simple Structure to Follow
A eulogy can be three acts, like a short story:
- Introduction — Who was this person? What made them special?
- A Story or Theme — Pick one or two moments that capture their essence. Give us a moment that we can feel.
- Closing — What will we carry forward from them? What would they want us to remember? How can we make a change in our own lives to honor theirs?
How to Find the Right Tone
You don’t have to tell every detail. A eulogy is not a résumé — it’s a portrait. Give us a sense of who they were when they were living to their fullest. If you cry, it’s okay. If you don’t, it’s also okay. There is no single correct way to deliver a eulogy. What matters is that you deliver to us a moment we can feel. Help us feel what we need to feel.
What to avoid
Do not talk too much about yourself; a eulogy is not about you. Avoid nervous jokes. Avoid revenge. Avoid belittling yourself, the audience, or the deceased. Turn off your phone. Speak from the heart.
Eudaemonia
Aristotle’s idea of Eudaimonia (a flourishing life) reminds us: The measure of a life isn’t just in accomplishments, but in how it was lived. A good eulogy helps us see what mattered most in a person’s life and, in doing so, reminds us what matters most in our own.
Alternative—Give a (meaningful) toast
if writing a eulogy is too much or too emotional or somehow doesn’t feel right… Instead try imagining you’re giving a toast. Here is a guide to doing exactly that (and how to do it well).
